FEAR - MINDLESS

FEAR – MINDLESS

While I have several fears, I think celebrating another birthday in March (and it was another landmark – 70!), made me focus on my aging body with its aches and pains.  Generally speaking I’m not afraid of growing old or of dyeing.  That doesn’t mean I’m ready to call it quits though.   But with so much focus in the media on how the “old” are such a drain on society and the medical system, I thought I would do my art piece on dementia.  Aren’t we all afraid of more than “just” forgetting where we put our keys!  What will the future hold for ME?

The background fabric is one of my happy hand dyes - in colour and brightness.  I drew a profile of my head and heat-cut it out of purple organza.  The thin strips are just a variety of leftover fabric.  And of course, the circles are cats-eye marbles!

Even though this piece is about fear, I used a happy background because I’m hoping that is how I will cope.  From my family’s point of view, they might choose a dark background, as that is how they will be coping with what might be my condition.  I chose organza for my profile because I think I will be disappearing from the person I used to be (and in fact now am) and it expresses my fading away both mentally and physically.  The strips represent the fact that I might not be able to think of words or be able to express what is deep inside me as none of the strips are joined; they are basically lines that just stop.  And of course, we all use the phrase “I must be losing my marbles”, so I took my kids marbles that I now use for tie dyeing, and photographed them, printed them on treated fabric and now have another image for my stash.  Really the only quilting I did aside from stitching my profile down and securing the strips of fabric and marbles, was writing the words who, what, where, when, why and how into the background as those will be the unanswered questions both I and my family will ask.

My husband’s stepmother suffered from dementia.  She lived to 91 and was just lost in her own world.  I once saw a “funny” card that simply said “Look at me.   I’m happy and I don’t even know what’s going on.”  That always made me think of her, but now I’m afraid that might become me too.

My mom always said “I don’t feel old as long as I don’t look in a mirror!”  She lived to be 89 and didn’t suffer from dementia.  She was a strong woman.  I miss her and hopefully I will follow in her footsteps.