FEAR – MINDLESS
While I have
several fears, I think celebrating another birthday in March (and it was another
landmark – 70!), made me focus on my aging body with its aches and pains. Generally speaking I’m not afraid of growing
old or of dyeing. That doesn’t mean I’m
ready to call it quits though. But with so much focus in the media on how the
“old” are such a drain on society and the medical system, I thought I would do
my art piece on dementia. Aren’t we all
afraid of more than “just” forgetting where we put our keys! What will the future hold for ME?
The
background fabric is one of my happy hand dyes - in colour and brightness. I drew a profile of my head and heat-cut it
out of purple organza. The thin strips are
just a variety of leftover fabric. And
of course, the circles are cats-eye marbles!
Even though
this piece is about fear, I used a happy background because I’m hoping that is
how I will cope. From my family’s point
of view, they might choose a dark background, as that is how they will be
coping with what might be my condition.
I chose organza for my profile because I think I will be disappearing
from the person I used to be (and in fact now am) and it expresses my fading
away both mentally and physically. The
strips represent the fact that I might not be able to think of words or be able
to express what is deep inside me as none of the strips are joined; they are
basically lines that just stop. And of
course, we all use the phrase “I must be losing my marbles”, so I took my kids
marbles that I now use for tie dyeing, and photographed them, printed them on
treated fabric and now have another image for my stash. Really the only quilting I did aside from
stitching my profile down and securing the strips of fabric and marbles, was
writing the words who, what, where, when, why and how into the background as
those will be the unanswered questions both I and my family will ask.
My husband’s
stepmother suffered from dementia. She
lived to 91 and was just lost in her own world.
I once saw a “funny” card that simply said “Look at me. I’m
happy and I don’t even know what’s going on.”
That always made me think of her, but now I’m afraid that might become
me too.
My mom always
said “I don’t feel old as long as I don’t look in a mirror!” She lived to be 89 and didn’t suffer from dementia. She was a strong woman. I miss her and hopefully I will follow in her
footsteps.